Anxiety kills.

Damn. Why do I feel guilty? I didn’t do anything wrong! Well, if we’re gonna be honest, I was the one who told the guy’s bestfriend about his girl and this other guy. I was also the one who gave the phone number of the girl’s friend to the guy so he can confirm if it’s true. So yeah, maybe I should be feeling guilty. But wait, why should I? I wasn’t the one who had another guy! She should be mad at her friend! Because her friend told me! But really don’t know. I don’t know if she’s mad at me. I don’t know if her friend is mad at me. I’m feeling kinda nervous. They’re both my friends, well, actually, her friend only. Haha. That’s why I wanna know everything that happened! I wanna know if I’m a part of this. I wanna know now!

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Now I know how my friend feels…

I too, sometimes get mad at my family. Especially my mother. I mean, when she’s mad, she won’t shut her mouth. My sisters aren’t helpful. They just continue on with what they’re doing like nothing happened. That’s why I’m not that open to my family. They don’t understand me and I don’t understand them either. I’m just glad that I’m going to college in a few days. I don’t have to deal with this crap anymore. 

Damn you.

Well, thanks for screwing up my friend. You’re such a “good” guy. I really thought you were different. I thought you were the one who could give my friend a happy ending. I thought you were gonna be there FOREVER. Guess I was wrong. You’re not that kind of guy. You were at first, but then you became different. And we all know that it’s because of that stupid girl named MAGGIE. I mean, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU HAD THE GREATEST GIRL IN THE WORLD, AND YOU SCREWED THINGS UP FOR WHAT? FOR THAT BITCH?! YOU’RE CRAZY, MAN. Well just so you know, SHE’S FINE WITHOUT YOU. BECAUSE SHE SHOULD BE WITH A MAN, NOT A CHEATING BASTARD WHO DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK EVEN IF HIS GIRL IS CRYING HER HEART OUT. That’s all I want to say. Have a good life, you ASSHOLE. 

Why do I feel like this?? We haven’t talked for a day and I already feel sad. Why do I feel sad?? Do I miss you? Why do I miss you?? Am I having strong feelings for you? Why? Who are you? You’re just a boy who keeps on teasing me. You’re nothing special. Right? Ugh. I hate this. I hate you. Or do I? F*ck.

I’m so confused.

Even though we often talk to each other, I feel like I’m really just a friend to you. Like nothing could ever happen between us. That’s why I don’t want to fall for you. But my friends keep on teasing me which makes things a lot more complicated. I don’t want to get hurt again. But I think that these feelings keep on growing everytime we talk. That’s why I’m thinking of avoiding you for a while so that I won’t fall for you. This sucks.

Feelings..such strong feelings :))

These thoughts continue on with their discussion

Placing me in such a confused situation

I still cannot decide on what to act

If I pursue my feelings, it might fire back

The ghost of the past could rise once more

And hurt me again like it did before.

 

However, this heart of mine begins to speak

Telling me that it’s him who I should seek

But still the thought of it gives me distress

My wounds just healed, I need a rest

I wonder why everything moves so fast

I just hope that these feelings wouldn’t last.